58 Rector Place

Red Bank, NJ 07701

Mon-Fri: 9:00 AM - 5:00 PM


Office Adress

58 Rector Place Red Bank, NJ 07701

Mon-Fri: 9:00 AM - 5:00 PM


(732) 741-2600


How Do I Tell My Spouse I Want A Divorce?

Telling your spouse that you want a divorce is an incredibly challenging and sensitive conversation. It’s important to approach the situation with empathy, clarity, and respect. Here’s a guide on how to navigate this difficult conversation:

  1. Choose the Right Time and Place: Find a quiet and private place where you can talk without interruptions. Avoid discussing divorce in the midst of an argument or during emotionally charged moments. If you have children together, make sure that they are not present or in earshot of the conversation. 
  2. Be Clear and Direct: When you begin the conversation, be clear and direct about your decision. Use “I” statements to express your feelings, making it about your experience rather than blaming your spouse. For example, say, “I have been feeling unhappy in our marriage, and after careful consideration, I believe it’s best for both of us if we pursue a divorce.”
  3. Express Your Emotions: Share your emotions honestly but avoid placing blame. Acknowledge that this decision is difficult for both of you, and it’s okay to express your sadness, regret, or any other feelings you may have.
  4. Use Calm and Non-Confrontational Language: Keep the conversation calm and non-confrontational. Avoid accusatory language and focus on your own feelings and needs. This can help prevent unnecessary escalation of emotions.
  5. Listen to Their Response: Give your spouse the opportunity to express their thoughts and emotions. Listen actively, without interrupting, and try to understand their perspective. Be prepared for a range of emotions, including shock, sadness, or anger.
  6. Avoid Ultimatums: While you’ve made a decision, avoid issuing ultimatums or making demands. Instead, express your desire to be open and amicable during this difficult time. 
  7. Discuss Practicalities Later: Focus on the emotional aspect during the initial conversation. Practical matters, such as asset division, child custody, and living arrangements, can be discussed at a later time when both of you are better prepared.
  8. Seek Professional Support: Consider suggesting couples therapy or counseling to help navigate the emotional challenges and facilitate a healthy discussion about the future. Even if the decision is final, counseling can assist with the emotional healing process.
  9. Inform Close Friends and Family: If appropriate, discuss your decision with close friends and family. This can provide a support system for both you and your spouse during the challenging times ahead.
  10. Take Care of Yourself: Recognize the emotional toll that initiating a divorce conversation can take. Take care of your own well-being and consider seeking individual counseling to cope with the emotional challenges.

Remember, every situation is unique, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to this conversation. It’s crucial to approach it with empathy, honesty, and a commitment to respectful communication. At the Law Offices of Sylvia Costantino, Esq., LLC, we recognize how difficult divorce is and our Monmouth County Divorce Attorneys are here to help. Call our offices today and schedule a consultation to speak with one of our experienced attorneys, who are willing and able to guide you through this process.


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